The Great Desire of a Woman

by | 26 Jul, 2019 | 2 comments


Don’t tell anyone.

I have a secret. I’d like to share it with you.

It’s a special secret, one written before the foundation of time.

It has to do with women, with your woman.

Would you like to know?

Her great desire…

To be unconditionally loved…

A woman wrestles with worth, value, her sense of security.

Am I pretty?

Am I too fat?

Am I desirable? Am I worthy? How do I compare?

Thoughts like this consume the mind of a woman.

From her youngest days, the mirror is her friend and her enemy, the men in her life, first her father and then her husband, her biggest encouragers or her greatest demoralizers. The system is rigged against her, stacking her up against the others, measuring her worth by that which will slowly and inevitably fade, if it was ever there in the first place according to the godless standards of a dying world.

And as it fades, a satanic question haunts some, “Will he still love me?”

Her father should have instilled in her, from a young age, her internal and external beauty. A father ought to imbue her with a sense of worth independent of that bestowed by a man, that bestowed only by Christ. Maybe you lucked out in that regard. Probably not though.

Scripture tells us that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) At my ugliest, at my worst, I was a hater of God, a wicked slave to self and sin and yet…Christ died for me, while I was yet a sinner! He died for me as I hated Him. What amazing love, what unconditional love.

Men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Love her unconditionally.

Love her when you don’t feel like it. Love her when she doesn’t please you. Love her when she isn’t meeting your needs or doing what you perceive she ought to do. Love her when she is at her most unlovable…just like Christ did for you.

A woman’s heart is fragile and delicate, a beautiful ceramic vase. Will you cherish it, protect it, or will you dash it against the wall, shattering it into oblivion?

To be fiercely loved…

Christ possesses a fierce and unwavering love for His people.

He left the 99 to seek out the one, you. (Luke 15:4)

He suffered the brutal death of crucifixion, for you. (1 Peter 3:18)

He willingly drank the full cup of the wrath of God, that you might live. (John 18:11)

Jesus fiercely loves His people. A woman desires to be loved in much the same way. She desires to be loved and pursued, to be sought after because she possesses great value to the pursuer, you.

Men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Love her fiercely.

To be gently loved…

Jesus is the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, the Great I Am, God incarnate who presently sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. God is in the business of putting all things in subjection to Him and He will rule the nations with a rod of iron, shattering both kings and kingdoms.

And one day, He will return, in power and glory, and He will judge and make war. He will set all things right as He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty, glory hallelujah!

He came first as the Lamb, humbly going to the cross for you.

What is gentleness but power restrained, power rightly channeled. Man, you possess unmerited power, power for great good…or power for great destruction.

There exists today, a general coarsening of society as revealed by our treatment of our women. We have “elevated” them to the position of “equal” with men. Translation: we see nothing special or significant in them at all. We treat them as we treat other men—and if you think that is good, I’d ask how well men treat other men. Most men view aggression and derision as perfectly normal attitudes toward other men and increasingly, toward women.

But consider Christ’s great love for you. You deserve one thing, and only one thing, that He slay you in your sins. Yet, He chose to love you, gently, tenderly.

O’ man, sheath your sword, and love your wife in the same way, gently, tenderly, just as Christ loves you.

To be loved…and led.

Many will denounce this aspect but I remain convinced…

…the vast, vast majority of women desire that their men lead them and their families, spiritually speaking. Perhaps this is her greatest desire, maybe her greatest need.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Paul commands. (Ephesians 5:25) He expounds further, “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” (v.26)

Men, lead your wives, your families, in following the Lord.

Today, most of you have abdicated your responsibility to lead. You’ve surrendered it, in the church and in the home. Most families today, even if the father is present, are led by the woman. Today’s caricature of man is a doofus, a beer-guzzling slacker, a limp-wristed coward.

To spiritually lead your family would impose. You come home from a hard day’s work and you just want to chill. By golly, you’ve earned it. Dinner ought to be on the table, kids quiet, maybe some t.v. later or some internet surfing. You don’t really have the time or the energy to make disciples of your kids, or to wash your wife in the water of the word. What does that even mean?

Or, conversely, you refuse to claim that which God has given to you on the basis of fear and cowardice. You’ve bought into gender equality—which I pray we’ve debunked—and consider it condescending to even think about leading. The idea of roles, the idea of leadership, cuts across the grain of our godless hearts. We bristle at the notion of male headship, though God’s word speaks clearly on the matter.

We’ve confused godly submission with secular subjugation.

God commands it and women desire it. Her great desire is that you would lead her in the pursuit of the Lord so, for God’s sake man, lead! 

As Christ loved the church.

Please don’t hear me speak from any position of self-righteousness.

I’ve failed a thousand times. More than that.

I’ve loved selfishly, conditionally. I’ve taken her love for granted. I’ve slandered her grace. I’ve made my wife cry more times than I care to admit, the proverbial bull in the china shop and most of all, I’ve failed to lead. I’ve been too tired, too distracted, too engaged elsewhere and let’s face it, I don’t really know what to do or how to do it.

Like you, I never had this modeled for me.

But I seek to follow Him in this manner. I seek my wife’s heart in this way. When I fail, I confess to Him and ask her for forgiveness and then move ahead, praying that the Spirit would empower me to rise and love her better.

So, where is the problem? Now that you know, what will you do? The problem is this, it’s impossible to give away that which you do not have. It is impossible to lead your wife in following Christ, if you yourself do not follow Christ.

Love your wife as Christ loved the Church, just as He loves you.

Or does He?

Do you know the love of Christ?

You cannot love like Christ without knowing that love yourself. Would you know Him today?


  1. Josh Doyle

    Much needed truth proclaimed in a time where most men have not seen this Biblical model lived out.


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Bradford Smith

Bradford Smith

Author - Founder

Soldier, Pastor, Author – Bradford stays busy, with his wife Ami, raising their 9 children, serving the nation, pastoring, preaching, and writing books (#3 is due out October ’17).


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