Just One of the Guys—the Folly of Teaching our Young Men to Fight Young Women

by | 27 Oct, 2017 | 4 comments

Last Saturday, I watched a father coach his son as he brutalized a young lady.

Put your left leg out. Use your bodyweight. Push her head down!”

Shockingly, this didn’t happen in a dark alley. The man wasn’t a member of ISIS teaching his son the finer aspects of assaulting a woman. This occurred at my son’s wrestling meet.

State rules vary but in general, if there are not enough girls to have their own division, then the school must allow them to compete with the boys. Our district has enough female high school wrestlers to have their own division. Middle school and below are co-ed.

I had never seen so many girls at a tournament. I witnessed numerous co-ed matches. Wrestling is an entirely physical sport. Power, speed, balance, and aggression yield victory. Save for one match, every girl was dominated by her male opponent.

I watched in astonishment as one young man literally slammed his female opponent to the mat and pinned her in the span of about 10 seconds. She got up crying.

Wrestling is not only physical, but intimate. Legs wrap around waists and other parts. Parts contact parts. Hands seek and find purchase where they may.

Yet for the sake of equality, we ignore a fundamental truth—co-ed combat sports effectively teach our sons to hurt women.

Military Gender Policy—Affirming Ridiculousness

Our young men suffer from a severe lack of regard for young women. It’s what we’ve taught them.

Fast-forward and the young man and woman have enlisted in the military. For years, this man was taught that this young lady was no different than he, nothing special. The military reinforces this notion.

They go to integrated basic training where they might share a barracks, certainly a tent in the field. They do Combatives where again, she is another combatant, just one of the guys.

They arrive to the unit and live in the same barracks, under the same roof. One night, they all go out drinking and under the influence of alcohol and the thumpin’ house music, he notices that she is not exactly one of the guys. She possesses a vagina which at that point, he begins to covet.

Her judgment swayed by her own imbibing, they end up in a barracks room or a buddy’s apartment where he takes what he wants from her, whether she’s willing to give it or not. Why not? She’s just one of the guys. Young men take things from one another all the time.

Equality, right?

This sickening scenario plays out time and again.

My last three positions in the military required I attend a monthly sexual assault board whereby the status of each sexual assault case was reviewed. Each unit took turns reviewing what they were doing to address the issue of sexual assault.

“We’re really gett’n after it.”—obligatory statement regarding the unit’s aggressive posture in “combating” sexual assault.

We sprinkle literature around unit areas to ostensibly teach soldier’s not to rape one another. We hold impromptu discussions during physical training in addition to the mandatory training requirements to tell our soldier’s not to rape. Some enterprising units generate programs or events. A motorcycle ride! Maybe a sexual assault awareness walk! That should do the trick.

Please forgive my sarcasm but not of these things has likely every prevented a single sexual assault. The military is pretty good at responding to sexual assault but with regard to prevention, our secular culture ties our hands. This point was brought to light during one of the last meetings I attended.

The NCO in charge of the program made the statement that they’d been doing the same thing for the four years he had overseen the program and had yet to see a change. Young male soldiers continue to assault young female soldiers, usually under the influence of alcohol.

Unable to contain myself, I raised my hand and mildly suggested that since young men have no regard for young women these days, perhaps putting them under the same roof with alcohol was a bad idea. The general stared at me blankly, laughed off my suggestion, and then went back to the discussion.

Biology and Other Ridiculousness

Let’s return to the wrestling mat.

I am led to dispel ideas that in a different time would have been considered intensely obvious. Our present insanity necessitates this digression. Please forgive me.

Boys are stronger than girls…and generally more aggressive. Gasp.

Young men excel at the application of blunt force trauma. In fact, many of them view this as a perfectly acceptable solution to a litany of problems. This is not a trait shared with the fairer sex.

Consider the lunacy of transgender girls (boys who ‘identify’ as girls) participating in girls’ sports. They dominate. Period. No matter how they ‘identify’ their biology screams ‘boy!’ The undeniable physics takes care of the rest. Boys are winning female track meets and weight-lifting. Boys are dominating girls in volleyball and softball. Fallon Fox, a biological male, destroyed his opponent Tamikka Brents in the first round, issuing a concussion and a crushed orbital bone.

You already know this though.

Theology and Other Ridiculousness

Let’s suppose there exists, for a minute, a female who can hold her own with the young men. They exist. I observed a young lady trounce a middling young man on the wrestling mat this last weekend. As the ref raised the young lady’s hand in victory, the boy hung his head in shame and slouched toward his disappointed father.

Just because we could do something, does this mean we ought to?

The Bible advocates for the elevation of women. Let’s consider, for the sake of time, two aspects.

Consider the created order. God created everything—the earth, sun, the moon, the sky. He populated the planet with every animal, the beasts of the field and the fish in the sea. He created man in His image to have dominion, to rule over the earth. He created the Garden and He placed man in the Garden, to work it. And when all of creation was ready, prepared, only then did He bring forth woman. (Genesis 1,2)

The created order trumpets the elevation of women.

Second, God calls the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25) The husband is to die for his wife and really, to live for her. He is to teach her God’s ways, protect her, cherish her, treasure her.

God’s command to the husband testifies to the elevation of women.

Man’s command to his sons to fight them, under the guise of equality, demotes them.

We have a rule, “treat a girl like a flower.” Any of my sons will echo this on command. If one of them hits the other, I deal with it in a kind of, “No blood-no foul” manner. When one of them lays a hand on my granddaughter, I come down on them as the wrath of God.

I don’t want a young man for my daughters who will treat them as one of the guys. I don’t want for them a young man who will punch them, maybe try to choke them out for fun, or ridicule their weaknesses. I would like a young man to treat my daughters as she deserves, like a flower.

What’s a Man to Do?

I quietly pulled the coach aside and explained to him that my son would not wrestle a girl and if that meant he had to forfeit a match, that was okay. I didn’t want to make a big deal out it, a spectacle, and I didn’t want to make any young lady feel bad. The coach was supportive.

Another young man had, in his division, all girls. The coach offered him the opportunity to fleet up to the next division. He chose to remain in his division and compete against the girls. He dominated them all, even making one cry, until the aforementioned young gal crushed him. I don’t think it worked out the way he thought it might.

Where was this young man’s father? What was he taught by this?

The fact is, gender ‘equality’ taught and reinforced in places like the wrestling mat and the military, directly endangers legions of young women.

Fathers, how long will we punish our daughters with our sons before we say, “enough”? 




  1. Emily Ingram

    Great article! I agree with this and at some point we have to draw boundaries. Unfortunately some boundaries just won’t be evident without seeing through lens of the word.

    I think, as girls, ladies, women, we want to be seen and respected as men are in their strengths, but it’s a double-edged sword. We might be able to hang, but we shouldn’t necessarily put ourselves out there like that. — as you mentioned in “biology and other ridiculousness”.

    But ultimately, as we see ourselves as the women of God that we are, we should have no need to prove anything and we shouldn’t have a desire to allow ourselves to be in situations. (Now, it’s different playing around with a spouse) -Not to take away from the responsibilities the guys should have towards women as roles of protecting and simply respecting differences, but there are two sides of the road. Not everyone has a renewed mind of who they are in Christ, so standards differ, unfortunately. -And I believe that’s where the deception comes in. That’s when people think, “I can handle this.” But in all actuality, we can’t and because of that we’ve just inserted ourselves into a potential situation.

    The word says to guard your heart. I believe that sometimes people want to feel accepted so they allow themselves to participate in things that “seem” ok (all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial), but when they do these things sometimes someone get some hurt. — whether physical or emotional.

    I suppose this article is talking about career and/or sports, but I’m also thinking in everyday decisions, what if we realized boundaries and respected differences instead of trying to prove something?

    Anyways! Great read!!

  2. Glenda

    Yeah! I applaud your candor. You are a voice of reason in this dark, messed up culture. Thank you, once again, for speaking truth and putting responsibility back where it belongs in this issue…on the parents and coaches, and maybe even on the public as a whole.


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Bradford Smith

Bradford Smith

Author - Founder

Soldier, Pastor, Author – Bradford stays busy, with his wife Ami, raising their 9 children, serving the nation, pastoring, preaching, and writing books (#3 is due out October ’17).


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