Abortion and Fathers – a Note of Encouragement

by | 17 Mar, 2017 | 9 comments

Dear Prospective Fathers of an Unwanted Child,

Twenty years ago I paid my girlfriend to murder our unborn daughter. This haunts me. I’ve been there. I’ve been in your shoes. I still remember the phone call, how my heart climbed up out of my throat when I heard her tears, how time screeched to a halt as she quietly uttered those two mortifying words, “I’m pregnant.”

You’re scared. I understand and in all reality, you should be. Having a child is a game-changer. I was terrified. This kind of thing certainly never happened in my family. What would my parents say?

You’re trapped. This wasn’t planned. Again, I’m with you. I was young and single, a newly-minted Army officer with my entire life ahead of me. The last thing I wanted was fatherhood. My freedom was at stake, the very essence of me.

Maybe you’re angry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You don’t need this. Maybe you blame her. Believe me, I’ve been there. I understand but let me assure you of some truth I’ve since come to know.

Planned or not, your wife/girlfriend/baby mama is now the steward of life and your child is forged in the very image of God, crafted by the hand of the Almighty, singularly unique and special. (Gen. 1:26, 27) God knew this child before He formed him or her. (Jer. 1:5) This child is fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together in the mother’s womb. (Ps. 139:13-15)

And this was no accident. Perhaps you were not planning this but rest assured, God is not caught off-guard. There are no accidents, no surprises, no incidental events. All things serve His perfect will. All things have been ordained and declared from eternity past. All things work together for the good of those who love God. Your child is not an accident. This pregnancy was planned and ordained by the very God of the Universe. (Ps. 115:3, Ps. 135:6, Is. 46:10, Rom. 8:28 et. al.)

And this child needs you. Many single mothers valiantly strive to raise their children absent a father but they struggle and the children struggle, greatly. It is a fact that children desperately need a mother and a father. The fate of this unborn life rests upon your shoulders.

And she needs you. Perhaps you two are no longer romantically attached but as scared as you are, it pales in comparison to her fear. Maybe she contemplates the unthinkable out of fear, expecting you to walk at any time, as soon as things get rough.

Let’s flip the script. Cast aside your fear and self-centered concerns and consider that God is calling you to father, a most sacred and holy call. God has found you worthy of fatherhood. Allow me to leave you with an exhortation from Scripture. Be strong. Be courageous. Act like a man. (1 Sam. 4:9, 1 Cor. 16:13)

I’ve become many things in this life but I cherish being a father. I relish it. Before I was but a shadow of a man. Few things warm my soul and bolster my spirit like the strong love of my children. It’s unfathomable that I almost cut that off before it even began.

I’m thankful for my wife for many different reasons. She is so strong where I have been so weak and twenty years ago she pondered life as a single mother and said “no” to the abortion that I practically demanded. She saw this unborn life for what it was, precious and intrinsically valuable and she said “no” and for that I will forever remain in her debt.

She even offered me the chance to walk.

I contemplated the phone as her offer hung there, awaiting a response, and I got angry. I got angry and for perhaps the first time in my life, I acted like a man. I was not going to allow my daughter to grow up without me. I was not going to walk away from my responsibility. No, I was going to be the father that the Lord I had yet to meet had already called me to be.

Twenty years ago, I was willing to murder my daughter, well pay for it anyway. Today, I’d gladly give my life on her behalf. She is beautiful and loving, a daughter of the King, and along with my other children, the greatest blessing I’ve known. That you might be similarly blessed.

9 Comments

  1. Katherine

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Not an easy thing for you to admit I’m sure, but this perspective is needed.

    Reply
    • Bradford Smith

      No ma’am, not easy to talk about but I feel like the father’s perspective gets left off quite a bit in this arena.

      Reply
  2. Rhonda Rivas

    Well said Brad it brought tears to my eyes that you went through that but God!! Meant it for Good. For you to share that experience with others so they will know they don’t have to walk that path alone. He is Faithful to keep His Promises!!

    Reply
    • Bradford Smith

      Yes ma’am. So thankful to have had Him looking over me!

      Reply
  3. Janet Winchester

    You are an awesome man of God and an awesome father! God has used you in so many ways and is using your testimony and your gift of blogging and writing to reach out to others. What a true blessing!

    Reply
    • Bradford Smith

      Ms. Janet…thank you so much. Nothing awesome about me, but thankfully we have an awesome God! Love you guys. Miss ya’ll.

      Reply
  4. Marjorie Osborne

    Wonderful testimony! Thank you. I have a couple of siblings and at least one niece or nephew that were aborted. I look forward to meeting them in heaven when that day comes, along with babies I myself and many others in the extended family have miscarried. ALL of them are precious souls, created by a tender, loving God.
    You needn’t put my comment in, but I was hoping you would correct the wrong Bible reference you printed – it is Psalm 139, not Ps. 138. (one of my favourites, btw!) 😀

    Reply
    • Bradford Smith

      Psalm 139! Yes, ha, my mistake. Also, great comments.

      Reply
  5. Cinderella

    Hey, that’s a clever way of thinikng about it.

    Reply

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Bradford Smith

Bradford Smith

Author - Founder

Soldier, Pastor, Author – Bradford stays busy, with his wife Ami, raising their 9 children, serving the nation, pastoring, preaching, and writing books (#3 is due out October ’17).

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This is a powerful read in a small book. The subtitle hits the mark with its description of, "A Biblical Treatise on Adoption." The author poses a challenge to the reader to stop reading the book upfront if the reader does not want to be moved to action.

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The call that sounds for the incredible need of emotionally and physically abandoned and orphaned children and one that when answered manifests the love of Christ.

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